Hip-Hop Showdown

Word has it Tom Hanks’ son is now attending Northwestern University, and he’s poised to take the Evanston hip-hop world by storm. Determined to make it without his father’s prominent name to back him up, this sucka MC calls himself Chet Haze. But he may be up against tougher competition than he realizes… can he face the fierce beats and intricate verbal stylings of two Unicorn Cafe regulars? You be the judge:

Chet Haze, give it your best shot:


I smell a collab… or a battle. Either way, this is about to get explosive.


8 comments on “Hip-Hop Showdown

  1. damn – didn’t realize Evanston/Unicorn had so much raw talent.

  2. Bobby —

    You nailed it! The Unicorn Cafe — being on the culinary cutting edge — is now offering “raw” talent for your delectation! I mean, certified raw!

    And, you can enjoy a hummus plate — with raw carrots and celery — while you’re watching the talent [sic] .

    Then, if you feel that the raw “talent” spoiled your enjoyment of the raw food, just ask Barmeister Brendan for raw eggs to pitch at the raw rapsters.

    Yo [ho-ho] !

    ~ Dimestore Freddy

  3. o m g I had no idea dan the wank was this badass. seriously seriously seriously between fred rap and dan the wank the unicorn rules. between brendan and val the unicorn rules. between all those sucks behind the counter the unicorn rules. ps the unicorn rules. yow yow yow yow!

  4. hmmm. you know my love for west coast slang… I think Dan the wank and Fred need to start integrating that into their rhymes if they want to out chet Chet.

    Stay hyphy beezies.

  5. Listen up now, Doll…
    … as I channel The Patriarch:

    “All you pretty little chicks with your pretty little hair,
    I know you feels like I ain’t nowhere,
    But stop what your doin’ baby — come over here;
    I’ll prove to you baby that I ain’t no square;
    ‘Cause I’m ready, ready as anybody can be —
    Now I’m ready for you, I hope you’re ready for me!

    “I got an axe-handle pistol on a graveyard frame
    That shoot tombstone bullets, wearin’ ball and chain;
    I’m drinkin’ TNT, I’m smokin’ dynamite —
    I hope some West Coast sissy start a fight!
    ‘Cause I’m ready, ready as anybody can be —
    I’m ready for you, I hope you’re ready for me! ”

    ~ Dimestore Fred, The Man with the Mud

  6. I think it’s time to get a job

  7. You mean it’s time for me to finally pay my tab?!

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